Skip to content
9. jūnijs, 2023
  • Draugiem
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Telegram
  • RSS

e – BAZNĪCA ✞

Grēka alga ir nāve, bet Dieva balva ir mūžīga dzīvība Kristū Jēzū, mūsu Kungā.

Primary Menu
  • e-kontakti
  • e-projekts
  • e-ARHĪVS
  • e-POLEMIKA
  • e-BĪBELE
  • e-BĻJ
  • E-LTA
  • e-AFIŠA

173. Kādēļ mūsu Pestītāja vārds ir Jēzus?

  • Sākums
  • Monty Python: Crackpot Religions Ltd.
  • e-joki
  • e-video

Monty Python: Crackpot Religions Ltd.

Roberto
Noklausies šo e-publikāciju

Cut to Arthur Crackpot sitting at a large curved desk on the front of which a sign says ‘Crackpot Religions Ltd.’ Arthur Crackpot President and God (Ltd)’.

Crackpot: This is an example of the sort of abuse we get all the time from ignorant people. I inherited this religion from my father, an ex-used-car salesman and part-time window-box, and I am very proud to be in charge of the first religion with free gifts. You get this luxury tea-trolley with every new enrolment. (pictures of this and the subsequent gifts) In addition to this you can win a three-piece lounge suite, this luxury caravan, a weekend for two with Peter Bonetti and tonighes star prize, the entire Norwich City Council.

(Curtains go up to reveal the council. Terrific ‘ooh’ from an audience. Bad organ chords played by a nude man).

Crackpot: And remember with only eight scoring draws you can win a bishopric in a see of your own choice. You see we have a much more’ modern approach to religion.

(Cut to a person in church. They are walkning past a pillar. They take out some money and put it in a collecting box. A sign on the box says ‘For the rich’. We hear the money going in, then it moves off, along pipes, falling down; eventually it tomes down a small pipe and lands with a tinkle in Crackpot’s ashtray. Ht tries the money with his teeth, pops it into his pocket, and finishes reading…)

Crackpot: Blessed is Arthur Crackpot and all his subsidiaries Ltd. You see, in our Church we have a lot more fun.

Priest: (we see he has a peppeRPot with him) Oh, Mrs Collins, you did say you were nervious, didn’t you? You have eyes on the coffee machine?

Mrs Collins: I don’t mind, I don’t mind – it’s just nice to be here, Reverend.

Priest: (slaps her) Archdeacon! You asked for the coffee machine … so lets see what you’ve won? You chose Hymn no. 437. (goes to hymn board, removes one of the numbers, and reads what’s on the back) Oh, Mrs Collins, you had eyes on the coffee machine. Well you have won tonight’s star prize: the entire ‘Norwich City Council.

(Organ music, oohs and applause from audience.)

Mrs Collins: I’ve got one already. (the priest starts to throttle her)

(Cut back to Crackpot in his Office.)

Crackpot: A lot of religions – no names no pack drill – do go for the poorer type of person – face it, there’s more of ‘era – poor people, thieves, villains, poor people without no money at all – well we don’t have none of that tat. Rich people and crumpet over sixteen can enter free: upper middle class quite welcome; lower middle class not under five grand a year. Lower class – I can’t touch it. There’s no return on it, you see.

(Pull back to show interviewer sitting at his side.)

Interviewer: Do you have any difficulty converting people?

Crackpot: Oh no, well we have ways of making them join.

(Cut to a photo of a bishops)
(SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: “THE BISHOP OF DULWICH’)

Crackpot’s Voice: Norman there does a lot of converting: a lot of protection, that son of thing. And there’s his mate, Bruce Beer.

(Photo of Aussie bishop with beer can)
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: (THE ARCHBISHOP OF AUSTRALIA’)

Crackpot’s Voice: Brucie has personally converted ninety-two people twenty-five inside the distance. Then again we’re not afraid to use more modern methods.

(Cut to ‘Daily Mirror’ type pin-up of a bikinied lovely in a silly pose, on a beach with a bishop’s mitre and Bible. A large headline reads: ‘North See Gas’. A subheading says ‘Bishop Sarah’, then below that, this blurb which is also read voice over.)

Voice Over: Sarah, today’s diocesan lovely is enough to make any chap. go down on his knees. This twenty-three-year-old bishop hails appropriately enough from Bishop’s Stortford and lists her hobbies as swimming, riding, and film producers. What a gas! Bet she’s no novice when it comes to converting all in her See.

(Cut to Gumby in street.)
(SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: ‘ARCHBISHOP GUMBY’)

Gumby: (shouting laboriously) Basically, I believe in peace and bashing two bricks together. (he bashes two bricks together)

(Cut to John Lennon)

Lennon: I’m starting a war for peace.

(Cut to Ken Shabby.)
(SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: ‘ARCHBISHOP SHABBY’)

Shabby: Cor blimey. I’m raising polecats for peace.

(Cut to Arthur Nudge.)
(SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: ‘ARCHBISHOP NUDGE’)

Nudge: Peace? I like a peace. Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Say no more. Nudge, nudge.

(Cut to a bishop. A sign on the wall says ‘Naughty Religion ‘.)

Bishop: Our religion is the first Church to cater for the naughty type of person. If you’d like a bit of 1ove-your-neighbour – and who doesn’t now and again – then see Vera and Ciceley during the hymns.

(Cut to wide-boy Pope, with small moustache and kipper tie. A sign says: ‘No Questions Asked Religion ‘.)

Bill: In our Church we try to help people to help themselves – to cars, washing machines, lead piping, no questions asked. We are the only Church, apart from the Baptists, to do re-spray jobs.

(Cut to loony with a fright wig and an axe in his head. A sign says: ‘The Lunatic Religion ‘.)

Ali Byan: We the Church of. the Divine Loony believe in the power of prayer to turn the head purple ha, ha, ha.

(Cut to a normal looking priest. A sign says: ‘The Most Popular Religion Led’.)

Priest: I would like to come in here for a moment if I may, and disassociate our Church from these frivolous and offensive religions. We are primarily concerned with what is best… (phone rings; he arewets it) Hello. Oh, well how about Allied Breweries? All ri’ght. but keep the Rio Tinto (puts phone down) … for the human soul.

( ANIMATION: a vicar by Terry Gilliam)
(CAPTION: ‘CARTOON RELIGIONS LTD’)

Voice: In our Church we believe first and foremost in you. (use smiles; the top of his head comes off and the Devil tries to climb out; the vicar replaces his head) We want you to think of us as your friend. (as before; the vicar nails the top of his head on)

Continue Reading

« Marilyn Manson: Personal Jesus
Grāmatu Grāmata: Pirmie Ziemassvētki [23] »
                       

Ieskaties

Όρος Άθως
Auniņš Šons: Serengeti paugurknābja pīles [68]
Rebecca St. James: Song Of Love
Haralds Sīmanis: Ar tevi vien

Atbildēt Atcelt atbildi

Lai komentētu, jums jāpiesakās sistēmā.

  • Aktuālākie
  • Komentētākie
  • Pirkumu apliecinošs čeks ar kristīgu vēstījumu Pirkumu apliecinošs čeks ar kristīgu vēstījumu
    • e-ziņas

    Pirkumu apliecinošs čeks ar kristīgu vēstījumu

  • Ko Jēzus mums atgādina ar vārdu "debesīs"? Ko Jēzus mums atgādina ar vārdu “debesīs”?
    • e-mācība

    Ko Jēzus mums atgādina ar vārdu “debesīs”?

  • Sukcesijas saraksti Sukcesijas saraksti
    • e-raksti

    Sukcesijas saraksti

  • Mīlestība krusta zīmē Mīlestība krusta zīmē
    • e-refleksijas

    Mīlestība krusta zīmē

  • Evaņģēlija centrs Evaņģēlija centrs
    • e-refleksijas

    Evaņģēlija centrs

  • Ieteikumi LELB Satversmes Preambulas grozījumiem
    • e-refleksijas

    Ieteikumi LELB Satversmes Preambulas grozījumiem

  • Doma baznīcā saimnieko “Jaunā Paaudze”
    • e-ziņas

    Doma baznīcā saimnieko “Jaunā Paaudze”

  • Kas ir Svētais Gars?
    • e-mācība

    Kas ir Svētais Gars?

  • Nozīmīgs notikums
    • e-ziņas

    Nozīmīgs notikums

  • Tim Minchin: Pope Song
    • e-mūzika
    • e-video

    Tim Minchin: Pope Song

Atrodi

  • Bauslība un Evaņģēlijs
  • Baznīcas gada sprediķi vienuviet
  • Ilgi gaidītais latviešu sprediķu krājums
  • Lasāmviela ticības spēkam
  • Luteriskās ticības apliecības

Ienāc

  • Reģistrēties
  • Aizmirsi paroli

Līdzīgās e-publikācijas

  • John Lennon: Imagine
  • Simon And Garfunkel: The Sound Of Silence
  • Faithless: God Is A DJ
  • Ottawan & Alexandrov Red Army Choir: Crazy Music
  • Lil iROCC Williams: All My People
  • Monty Python: The People’s Front
  • Dr. Alban: Sing Hallelujah

Pēdējie komentāri

  • Roberto: “talyc iespējams, ka, ja lasa iepriekšējās daļas, bilde paveras plašāka”
  • talyc: “Visnotaļ interesanti Valters apcer šo tēmu. Es piemēram būtu sācis ar to, ka komunisma idejas, tā būtība un visa ideoloģija…”
  • Roberto: “Patiesais-Taisnais, pēc kā spried par maniem darbiem Mt.6:3, jo ne no cilvēka gribēšanas vai skriešanas, bet viss no Dieva žēlastības?”
  • Patiesais-Taisnais: “Tādēļ redzi, Es celšos, saka Tas Kungs, pret tiem praviešiem, kas Manus vārdus nozog cits citam! Jā, redzi, Es celšos…”
  • Patiesais-Taisnais: “Roberto ej darbus dari labus nevis tukši vāvuļo!!! Jo ko tas cilvēkam palīdz, ka tas iemanto visu pasauli, bet tam…”

RSS e – POLEMIKA

  • Dievs Svētī Latviju, Mūs Dārgo Tēviju ... kāpēc mums ir tāda himna?
  • Politiskās atšķirības. Vai to pamatā ir atšķirīga reliģiozitāte?
  • Teātris, dejas un citas izklaides ..

RSS Dieva vārds katrai dienai

  • 2.Pēt.3:15
    Turiet mūsu Kunga lēnprātību par glābšanu.

ilustrētā baznīca

Resnītis Jēzus
Resnītis Jēzus

Animācijas filma

e-BAZNĪCĀ

  • e-apceres
  • e-aptaujas
  • e-audio
  • e-bildes
  • e-intervijas
  • e-joki
  • e-lūgšanas
  • e-mācība
  • e-mūzika
  • e-paziņojumi
  • e-poēzija
  • e-raksti
  • e-refleksijas
  • e-sprediķi
  • e-video
  • e-ziņas

Tēmas

1. Mozus grāmatas skaidrojums animācijas filma ASV Bauslības un Evaņģēlija noslēpumi Bībele Desmit Dieva baušļi Dienišķo lūgšanu gads Dienišķā maize Dieva Dēls Dieva likums Dieva mīlestība Dieva vārds Dieva Vārds katrai gada dienai Dieva žēlastība Dzīvības ceļš e-baznica.lv Es gribu dzīvot šīs dienas ar Tevi Gads kopa ar Dītrihu Bonhēferu grēku piedošana Ikdienas ar Pirmo Mozus grāmatu Ikdienas meditācijas Jēzus Kristus Kristība Kristīgā dogmatika Kristīgā dzīve kristīgā mācība kristīgā mūzika Kristīgās ētikas un morāles rokasgrāmata kristīgā ētika Lasāmviela ticības spēkam Lutera citāti lūgšana Mazā katehisma skaidrojums Mārtiņš Luters par lūgšanu Piecas minūtes kopā ar Luteru Pāvila vēstules galatiešiem skaidrojums reliģiozā pasaule Svētais Gars Svētais Vakarēdiens Svētie Raksti Svēto Rakstu apceres katrai dienai ticības realitāte Tēvreize velns
  • Aleksandrs Bite
  • Dītrihs Bonhēfers
  • Mārtiņš Luters
  • Georgs Mancelis
  • Ilārs Plūme
  • Markku Särelä
  • Karls F. V. Valters
  • Hermanis Zasse
  • Draugiem
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Telegram
  • RSS
Pārpublicējot obligāti jānorāda atsauce. Visas tiesības patur :: e-BAZNICA :: © 2007-2023